O Holy Nightmare
by Leopard Lady
Summary: Daria's invited to a Christmas party at the Sloane's.


### "O Holy Nightmare"  
by Jill "Leopard Lady" Friedman  
ji_ll@hotmail.com  
MTV owns Daria. They don't own this, though.

####   
**Scene:** Daria and Tom are watching TV in the Sloane's livingroom.  
  
**TV:**** Elven Genocide at the North Pole! The night Santa went crazy! Next! On   
Sick Sad World!  
  
****Daria:** God, even Sick Sad World is getting Christmas on my ass.  
  
**Tom:** I know, it seems wrong, doesn't it?  
  
**Daria:** Extremely.  
  
**Tom:** Well...uh...I hate to be part of the problem and not the solution,   
but...uh...My parents are having a Christmas party next weekend and   
they wanted me to invite you.  
  
**Daria:** They threatened grounding if you didn't actually ask me this time,   
didn't they?  
  
**Tom:** That. And I knew you'd kill me if you found out.  
  
**Daria:** Ah, you're learning well, young grasshopper.  
  
**Tom:** So you in?  
  
**Daria:** Uh...let me get back to you.  
  
**Tom:** Okay... _(Daria pointedly looks at the TV, and Tom eyes her worriedly as   
he puts his arm around her.  
His expression softens when she leans into him a bit.)_   
  
**Cut to:** Next day. Jane's room. Daria's on the bed, and Jane is painting her   
interpretation of Weird Al's "Christmas at Ground Zero"  
BGM: "Christmas at Ground Zero"-Weird Al  
  
**Daria:** Tom invited me to his family's Christmas party next weekend.  
  
**Jane:** You're gonna go, aren't you?  
  
**Daria:** I don't know...  
  
**Jane:** Well why not?  
  
**Daria:** Well, it'd be weird.  
  
**Jane:** Come on Daria! Get into the Christmas spirit!  
  
**Daria:** This coming from the person whose favourite Christmas movie is   
"Scrooged."  
  
**Jane:** What can I say? I like Bill Murray.  
  
**Daria:** You just like it when he gets kicked in the nuts.  
  
**Jane:** I just imagine it's Upchuck.  
  
**Daria:** Seriously, though. Why are you so keen on me going to that Christmas   
party?  
  
**Jane:** Uh...free food?  
  
**Daria:** That's the Jane I know and love.  
  
**Jane:** You love me? Awww...I didn't know you cared!  
  
**Daria:** Not that much, Lane. Don't get your hopes up.  
  
**Jane:** Aw, nuts. I thought Allison would finally have a date.  
  
**Daria:** Jane...  
  
**Jane:** Kidding! But come on, what could one silly Christmas party hurt?  
  
**Daria:** My pride? What if I do something stupid? The Sloanes know so little   
about me as is!  
  
**Jane:** Daria, the Sloanes couldn't care less. They love you! More to the   
point, Tom loves you!  
  
**Daria:** _(seriously)_ Hey, he's never said that.  
  
**Jane:** Please, I can still read him like a book.  
  
**Daria:** If you say so...  
  
**Jane:** So you're going to the party?  
  
**Daria:** _(sighing)_ Oh I suppose.  
  
**Jane:** Good. Now what are you going to wear?  
  
**Daria:** JANE!!!  
  
  
**Cut to:** Morgendorffer kitchen. Helen's at the table doing paperwork. Enter,   
Daria.  
  
  
**Daria:** Uh...hi Mom.  
  
**Helen:** Hey sweetie. Can I help you with something?  
  
**Daria:** Um...yeah.   
Uh...caniborrowyourcreditcardsoicangetadressfortom'sparents'christmasparty?  
  
**Helen:** Beg your pardon?  
  
**Daria:** Can I borrow your credit card so I can get a dress for the Sloane's   
Christmas party?  
  
**Helen:** Why Daria, of course you may! Do you want me to go with you?  
  
**Daria:** I can't believe I'm saying this but...yes. I have no idea what to   
wear to something like this. Just do me one favour?  
  
**Helen:** What's that?  
  
**Daria:** Don't let Quinn in on this...she'd...take it all over or something.  
  
**Helen:** I understand. _(looks at her papers, makes a decision)_ Well, I'm not   
busy now, shall we go to Cashman's?  
  
**Daria:** What the hell. The sooner this is over with, the better the world   
will be.  
  
**Cut to:** the Mall.  
BG Music: Think of your least favourite Christmas song. Now make it muzak.   
There ya go, Background Music.  
Christmas season is in full swing, and the place is crowded as hell. Helen   
and Daria are walking towards Cashman's and a woman with three small   
children is walking behind her. The baby, being carried is screaming right   
into Daria's ear.  
  
**Daria:** _(teeth gritted)_ Forget other people. THIS is hell.  
  
**Helen:** Oh Daria, don't be such a grinch.  
  
**Daria:** Why not? I'm wearing green.  
  
**Helen:** It's the Christmas season, of course the mall is going to be crazy   
_(another of the woman's little treasures throws a small soft drink at Helen,   
splashing her with its contents)_ What am I saying? You're right, this is   
hell.  
  
**Daria:** Let's go in, find a tasteful dress, then go get cheese fries.  
  
**Helen:** I think we can do that.  
  
_(They enter Cashman's, and it's even more chaotic)_  
  
**Helen:** Or maybe we can't...  
  
**Daria:** Or we'll die trying, Mom.  
  
**Helen:** Damn right.  
  
**Cut to:** The Juniors department. Daria's in a fitting room, and Helen is   
standing outside.  
  
Montage:  
BGM: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reinder-Alvin and the Chipmunks _(yes, I'm   
serious.)_  
_(Daria emerges from the fitting room in a gaudy red and gold dress. The hem's   
too long and the neckline's WAY too low. She and Helen cringe at each other,   
and she goes back into the fitting room.  
Daria comes out again, this time in a very pretty dark blue dress...that   
just doesn't fit her right. Helen shakes her head sadly. Daria goes back in.  
Daria comes out wearing a black and silver number that only had a left   
sleeve. Again, a little much for her boyfriend's parents' Christmas party.   
Helen shakes her head, Daria goes back in.  
Daria comes out smirking in a tight green dress with a mesh bodice. Helen   
frowns and shakes her head. Daria slinks back into the fitting room.  
Daria comes out wearing a red dress that's very pretty, but again, just   
doesn't fit her right. Helen shakes her head, Daria goes back in.)_  
  
End montage, fade out music.  
  
**Quinn:** _(os)_ Muh-ohhm! What are you doing here! _(she walks over to Helen)_ I   
don't care HOW much you want to reclaim your youth, the Junior section is   
NOT for you!  
  
**Helen:** _(sighing)_ Quinn, I'm not here for me- _(she's cut off by Daria   
emerging from the dressing room in a very pretty Little Black Dress __(LBD)_   
with a short-sleeved green macrame top over it. Even without any accessories   
or primping, she's absolutely stunning.) Daria! That's it!  
  
**Quinn:** _(seeing Daria)_ DARIA?!?  
  
**Daria:** Do I look okay?  
  
Cut to commercial, with the bumper of Daria emerging.  
  
**Cut to:** Daria's POV  
  
**Daria:** What? Is this dress ugly too?  
  
**Helen:** Daria! That's beautiful!  
  
**Quinn:** Wow, Daria. I have to admit, you look good. Now, all you need is a   
necklace, hairclips, earrings...your ears aren't pierced, but we can change   
that in a jiffy, um...what else? SHOES! Mom, we have to go get shoes RIGHT   
NOW.  
  
**Helen:** Quinn! Calm down, she just tried the dress on! We don't even know if   
she likes it! Uh...Daria? You do like it, don't you?  
  
**Daria:** _(looking at herself in the mirror)_ Well, it seems nice enough.   
Appropriate for the occasion and all that. _(shrugging)_ Yeah, I like it.  
  
**Quinn:** GREAT! You know, Mom, why don't you just give Daria the credit card,   
and I'll take over from here?  
  
**Helen:** Uh...  
  
_Flashback:  
**Daria:** Just do me one favour?  
  
**Helen:** What's that?  
  
**Daria:** Don't let Quinn in on this...she'd...take it all over or something.  
End Flashback_  
  
**Helen:** Um, I don't think that'd be the best idea, Quinn.  
  
**Quinn:** You're probably right. I'm here with the Fashion Club, and it would   
be bad if they saw me here with you guys. I guess I'll uh...see you back   
home. Daria, PLEASE let me help you with your hair, ok?  
  
**Daria:** Um. I'll think about it.  
  
Sandi: _(os)_ Quinn! Like, where did you go, or whatever?  
  
**Quinn:** Gotta go. _(to Sandi)_ Be right there, Sandi! _(to Daria and Helen)_ Bye!  
  
**Daria:** Thanks, Mom.  
  
**Helen:** What? All I did was respect your wishes...oh. _(smiles)_ You're   
welcome, Daria.  
  
**Daria:** _(back to business)_ So you like this one, huh?  
  
_(Daria goes back into the fitting room, and Helen continues talking to her   
over the door.)_  
  
**Helen:** It's lovely. And, there's nothing more useful than a little black   
dress.  
  
**Daria:** I suppose that's one of those things I'd know if I read one of Quinn's   
magazines once in a while, huh?  
  
**Helen:** Doubt it.  
  
**Daria:** _(walking out of the fitting room; surprised)_ Oh?  
  
**Helen:** _(taking the chosen dress off the hook and draping it over her arm)_   
Those magazines are about fads. The LBD is *classic*. Now, shoes?  
  
**Daria:** _(genuinely impressed)_ Let's.  
  
  
**Cut to:** the shoe department.  
  
  
**Helen:** Do you have an idea of what you want for shoes?  
  
**Daria:** Something with soul. _(bt)_ Sorry, that was bad.  
  
**Helen:** _(suppressing a grimace)_ No..._(Daria gives her a look; Helen chuckles)_   
You're right, it was awful. But seriously?  
  
**Daria:** I don't know. I mean, all I'm used to are these _(holds up her foot as   
an example)_, but somehow I don't think they'd work.  
  
**Helen:** Well, do you want a heel?  
  
**Daria:** Want? I don't know; am I able to survive? I don't want the Sloane's   
Christmas party to be the time I find out.  
  
**Helen:** Good point. Let's stick to flats and pumps.  
  
_(Daria spots a pair of boots much like her own, but with a lower top and   
chunky heels. The style is just fancy enough to go with the dress,  
and just "Daria" enough to make her interested. She wanders over.)_  
  
**Daria:** _(picking up the shoe)_ What do you think of this?  
  
**Helen:** Well...it seems a little...much, don't you think?  
  
**Daria:** Well, it's similar to my boots, and it looks fancy enough to hold up   
the outfit.  
  
**Helen:** I don't know...  
  
**Daria:** Can you *really* see me in a pair of black Easy Spirits?  
  
**Helen:** _(trying to picture this, fails miserably)_ Well...I guess not. _(spots a clerk)_ Excuse   
me? Hello?  
  
Clerk: May I help you?  
  
**Helen:** Yes, may we see these in 6 1/2 B please?  
  
Clerk: Surely. _(he goes to get the shoes)_  
  
**Daria:** _(utter shock)_ You know my SHOE size?  
  
**Helen:** Your father talks. Rambles, really.  
  
**Daria:** I...see.  
  
**Helen:** _(shrugging it off)_ It's that mother thing again, Daria.  
  
**Daria:** Hm. I'll have to watch out for that.  
  
_(The clerk returns with the shoes. Daria tries them on and walks around.)_  
  
**Daria:** Hm. I'll have to get used to the heel, but it shouldn't be too bad.   
They feel a lot like my regular boots.  
  
**Helen:** Wonderful. We'll take them.  
  
Clerk: To wear or wrap?  
  
**Daria:** To wear, please. I need as much practice in them as possible.  
  
**Helen:** Right. _(laughs nervously.)_  
  
**Cut to:** Monday morning. Daria is walking to Jane's to go to school.  
BGM: "Twelve Pains of Christmas"-Bob Rivers  
  
**Daria:** _(VO)_ Damn heeled boots. They *are* pretty comfortable, I just can't   
get used to these heels. Ah well. Practice makes perfect. Or whatever.  
  
_(reaches the Lane house, knocks on the door)_  
  
**Jane:** Yo.  
  
**Daria:** Ready for another fun-filled day of school?  
  
**Jane:** Who are you, and what have you done with Daria?  
  
**Daria:** Oh shut it, Lane. The sooner we go, the sooner it's over.  
  
**Jane:** Ah, you are Daria. I believe you now. Let's go.  
  
_(As they walk, Jane notices that Daria is eye level with Jane- which she   
usually isn't. She looks down at the boots and her eyes widen at the heels.)_  
  
**Jane:** So what's with the stilts?  
  
**Daria:** Oh these? Ah, I thought I'd go for a change.  
  
**Jane:** Ennnh! Wrong answer, try again.  
  
**Daria:** Oh all right. _(sighing)_ I decided to go to Tom's parents' party, so I   
went shopping with my mom over the weekend. I figured I'd take this week to   
get used to these shoes so I'm not walking on heels for the first time in   
front of my boyfriend's parents.  
  
**Jane:** Good idea. See? That wasn't so hard...you should try being honest more   
often.  
  
**Daria:** Do I have to ask you to shut up twice in the same ten-minute period?  
  
**Jane:** As if you haven't before?  
  
**Daria:** Good point. Shut up, Jane.  
  
**Cut to:** Mr. O'Neill's class.  
  
O'Neill: ...so Scrooge goes through a powerful catharsis, born of self-realisation. Can anyone give me an example of how this happens?  
  
Kevin: Uhh...he gets kicked in the nuts by the fairy?  
  
**Jane:** So close, and yet so far...  
  
O'Neill: Um, that's not quite what I was looking for, Kevin. Anyone else? _(looks around)_ Daria?  
  
**Daria:** Ebeneezer Scrooge sees what happened in his past that he could have done differently to change the present. Also, he sees his own headstone. That's usually enough to scare a man straight.  
  
O'Neill: _(clearly disturbed by the last bit)_ Uh, right, Daria. Now I'm going to go around the room, and I want everyone to tell me what their favourite version of "A Christmas Carol" is. Oh, and to get it out of the way, how many people are going to say "Scrooged"? _(half the room raises their hands)_ Thought so.  
  
**Cut to:** Lunchtime, cafeteria. Daria and Jane are sitting and eating.  
  
**Jane:** Thank God break starts this week. I don't think I could deal with school any longer.  
  
**Daria:** _(listlessly)_ Yeah.  
  
**Jane:** Oh you're not still hung up on the party, are you?  
  
**Daria:** _(just as listlessly)_ Yeah.  
  
**Jane:** Well, you got a dress, and I _love_ the shoes, so...  
  
**Daria:** That doesn't change the fact that I know I'll make an ass of myself.  
  
**Jane:** You'll be fine. So what's going on at Chez Morgendorffer for Christmas?  
  
**Daria:** The usual. Aunt Rita will come over with her flavour of the month, Mom will get bitter and eventually, drunk, and Dad will stumble through the arguments aimlessly until Mom shoves a brandy at him and he falls asleep. All the while Quinn tries to nose herself between Mom and Aunt Rita.  
  
**Jane:** Uh-huh. And where are you in all of that?  
  
**Daria:** In the corner with a tape recorder.  
  
**Jane:** Good call. It'll be me, Trent, and a TV dinner I think.  
  
**Daria:** Sounds like heaven.  
  
**Jane:** Until the rest of Mystik Spiral comes over and insists on doing their versions of Christmas carols. It's pretty heinous.  
  
**Daria:** Yeah. I rescind the heaven comment.  
  
**Jane:** Then maybe one of my other family members may wander home between Christmas Day and New Years', expecting to find someone. They never do.  
  
**Daria:** What about Penny?  
  
**Jane:** Oh, she and Abby went to Miami. Some friends of Penny's were having a pit feast or something. _(Author's note: This is Abby Rhode from "Beneath the Blue Suburban Skies," available at a website near you.)_  
  
**Daria:** I see. Maybe we can send them Upchuck to use as the pig.  
  
**Jane:** Naw, he's too unclean, they'd never use him.  
  
**Daria:** Darn. I thought we'd found a way to get rid of him for good.  
  
**Cut to:** That night in the Morgendorffer house. Daria's room.   
BGM: "Punk Rock Christmas"-Sex Pistols  
Quinn walks by.  
  
**Quinn:** Oh HI Daria...  
  
**Daria:** Hey Quinn. Can I help you?  
  
**Quinn:** I was wondering if you needed any help with your hair or your makeup for this weekend?  
  
**Daria:** No thanks, I think I have it under control. Thanks anyway, though.  
  
**Quinn:** Okay. But my door's open if you want help...  
_(Quinn leaves)_  
  
**Daria:** I will NOT sink to that...  
_(Daria sighs and goes to bed)_  
  
Fade to a dream sequence:  
BGM: "Christmas on Acid"-Radio Free Vestibule  
  
**Scene:** Sloane living room at the party. Daria's dressed up, and is talking to Mrs. Sloane.  
  
**Mrs. Sloane:** Oh Daria, I'm so glad you came. Our Christmas parties are a Lawndale tradition, and it wouldn't have been the same without you!  
  
**Daria:** Uh. Far be it from me to ruin a tradition. _(VO)_ That's Quinn's job.  
  
**Mrs. Sloane:** Maybe you can help me get..._(looks past Daria)_Tom...to...THOMAS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?  
  
**Tom:** _(OS)_ Getting into the Christmas spirit!  
  
**Daria:** This coming from the guy whose favourite Christmas movie is The Ref?  
_(Pan to Tom, who has started to dance around doing a strip tease)_  
  
**Daria:** TOM! What the hell are you doing?!  
  
**Tom:** You'll see. It's a surprise.   
_(He grins and continues stripping until he's in nothing but boxers and socks.)_  
  
**Daria:** Ok, Tom. Boxers: good; socks: bad.  
  
**Tom:** Gotcha.  
_(Removes socks)_  
  
_(Daria steps closer and sees that the boxers are green mistletoe print)_  
  
**Daria:** Oh God...  
_(Daria wakes up)_  
  
**Cut to:** **Scene:** walking to school with Jane the next morning.  
  
**Jane:** God, Daria, you have the WEIRDEST dreams. I think you just have something against holidays in general. I mean, after that last "holiday dream..."  
  
**Daria:** Oh shut up. "That" was a result of too much Chinese food before bedtime. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think that dream was omen.  
  
**Jane:** Oh come on! Daria Morgendorffer does NOT believe in omens. Unless you really think Tom has mistletoe boxers...  
  
**Daria:** Do you ever quit? Okay, maybe not an omen, but I'm enough of a pessimist to believe it.  
  
**Jane:** Now _that_ I'll believe.  
  
**Daria:** I keep telling myself it'll go okay, and then I get this nasty voice in the back of my head saying, "Yeah, right."  
  
**Jane:** Is that what the voice tells you? Mine tells me to kill all my family, but I just ignore it.  
  
**Daria:** No you don't. They're never around for you to kill.  
  
**Jane:** Good point. Seriously, though, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Just go, be polite and be yourself.   
  
**Daria:** "Be polite" and "be myself"? Aren't the two mutually exclusive?  
  
**Jane:** Ok, then pick one and run with it. But you gotta stop stressing over this.   
  
**Daria:** You're right. I've just got to think positive...ly...God, shoot me now.  
  
**Cut to:** Next night. Daria's room. She's getting ready for the party.  
BGM: "Sleigh Ride"-Squirrel Nut Zippers  
_(Daria's off screen, but we can see her skirt being tossed aside, followed by her jacket, then shirt. The camera pans to her closet where the dress is hanging, and we see her hand reach for it, then the boots. Now the camera cuts to her face in the mirror, as she gets out the small makeup kit we see in "Quinn the Brain." After she puts on some makeup, we see her braid her hair.)_   
  
**Cut to:** The Morgendorffer living room.   
  
**Helen:** Daria! It's time to go, are you ready?  
  
**Daria:**_(OS)_ I'll be right down mom! And if I see a camera, I'll smash it!  
  
**Helen:** _(to Jake)_ Quick, hide the camera!  
  
Jake: Right.   
_(Daria comes down the stairs, and she's absolutely gorgeous. The dress and the boots show off the figure Daria constantly hides, and with her hair back, her face looks softer. She did a very good job with her makeup, keeping it low-key and subtle. She looks perfectly appropriate for someone going to a fancy Christmas party.)_  
  
**Helen:** Oh Daria! You look wonderful!  
  
**Daria:** Thanks. Dad, I see the camera. Stop trying to hide it.  
  
Jake: _(futilely trying to hide the camera)_ What camera?  
  
**Helen:** Jake! Just put it down. _(sigh)_ Well! Let's go.  
  
_(They file out the door into the car.)_  
  
**Quinn:**_(OS)_ Hello! Is anyone still there? I need a ride to the mall! Hello? Hello? _(comes downstairs)_ Damn!  
  
**Cut to:** INT the Lexus. Jake is driving, Helen is riding shotgun, and Daria's in the back.  
  
**Helen:** Now when you get there, I want you to be very polite.  
  
**Daria:** Mom, I've met the Sloanes before, you don't have to worry.  
  
**Helen:** I know, Daria. But sometimes you can be...  
  
**Daria:** Sarcastic? Sardonic? Outright offensive?  
  
**Helen:** Well, not the last one...um! I mean.  
  
**Daria:** Don't worry, Mom. I've been torturing myself about this all week, I assure you you can't do it any worse.   
  
**Helen:** All right, Daria.  
_(They turn into Crewe Neck, and encounter the rent-a-cop[the same one as from "Invitation"])_  
  
Cop: Hello, may I help you?  
  
Jake: Yes, hello, my daughter is invited to the Christmas party at the Sloane's, and we're dropping her off.  
  
Cop: And your daughter's name, sir?  
  
Jake: Daria Morgendorffer.  
  
Cop: Daria Morgendorffer, eh? Does she have a friend named Jane?  
  
**Helen:**_(VERY cross look)_ What does that matter?  
  
Cop:_(scared back)_ Uh...no matter. Go ahead.   
_(They drive off)_  
  
Jake: Well that was weird.  
  
**Daria:** Uh. Yeah. _(they drive up to the Sloane's)_ Well, here we are. Thanks for the drive. Bye! _(Daria beats it out of the car before her parents can make any more suggestions. The camera follows her as she walks to the door and rings the bell.)_  
  
Cut to commercial: montage of Daria walking down the stairs in her dress  
  
**Scene:** INT Sloane from hallway. The doorbell rings and Tom opens the door. He was obviously waiting for Daria.  
  
**Tom:** Hey Daria. _(she walks in and he takes her coat)_ Glad you could..._(He trails off as he gets a good look at her)_  
  
**Daria:**_(Confused)_ What?  
_(Tom leans over and kisses her softly)_  
  
**Tom:** _(whisper)_ You look beautiful, Daria.  
  
**Daria:** _(blushing furiously)_ Umm...thanks.  
  
**Tom:** _(taking her hand)_ Come on, let me introduce you around.   
  
BGM: "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"-Brenda Lee  
Montage:_  
**Cut to:** Daria saying hello to Tom's parents  
**Cut to:** Daria and Elsie snarking about various guests  
**Cut to:** Daria and Tom getting caught under a sprig of mistletoe, Mrs. Sloane getting a picture of the __(very chaste, you perverts!)_ kiss  
**Cut to:** Daria eyeing the camera, Tom admonishing her  
**Cut to:** Daria and Tom talking on the couch with steaming mugs of hot cocoa  
End Montage  
  
**Daria:** Phew! This hot cocoa is really hot.   
  
**Tom:** Well, you've caught onto the obvious.  
  
**Daria:** Ha ha. Hot cocoa on pants is pretty obvious, too.  
  
**Tom:** Ok, I surrender.   
  
**Daria:** I'm gonna get some egg nog, do you want any?  
  
**Tom:** No thanks.  
  
_(Daria walks over to the refreshments table and ladles herself some egg nog. We see __(but she doesn't)_ that the nog she took is alcoholic. [which we know from the bottle of brandy sitting behind the punch bowl] She takes a sip, makes a face, shrugs, then continues drinking.)  
  
**Daria:** This is the best egg nog I've ever had.  
  
**Tom:** Yeah, it's an old family recipie.  
  
**Daria:** _(sipping)_ Bought it at the market?  
  
**Tom:** _(chuckles)_ Yeah.   
  
**Daria:** _(peering into her cup)_ Oops! I'm all done...be right back.  
_(she goes back to the same bowl and ladles herself another cup)_  
  
**Tom:** Are you having fun, Daria? This party is a lot better with you around.  
  
**Daria:** _(starting to feel the nog)_ Oh yes! It's ooooh so fun. Yourrrr...sishter is really cool.  
  
**Tom:** Are you okay, Daria?  
  
**Daria:** Yesh. As I was saying...your sishter is cool. Reminds me of.....Jane. Jane! Why didn't you invite Jane?  
  
**Tom:** Uhhh. _(starting to get worried about her)_ Because I'm going out with you?  
  
**Daria:** Riiight. And what a good call! _(she starts to put her arms around him)_ You know, you're a cutie.  
  
**Tom:** _(alarmed)_Daria? Are you sure you're okay?  
  
**Daria:** Never better! You know..._(sly)_ I bet we could sneak up to your room an' no one'd notice...  
  
**Tom:** Ok, Daria you're scaring me. _(she takes another swig of egg nog, and he catches on)_ Hey Daria, can I taste your egg nog?  
  
**Daria:** Sure! _(she hands him the cup)_  
  
**Tom:** _(sniffs, then takes a sip)_ Oh, God. _(puts the cup in the trash)_  
  
**Daria:** Awww! Why'd you do that?  
  
**Tom:** Daria, you were drinking the brandied nog.   
  
**Daria:** I was? Oh no. Oh God. Ohh...uh oh..._(Daria proceeds to puke on Tom's shoes)_ Oooh....  
  
**Tom:** Oh boy. Come on, let's get you cleaned up.  
  
**Daria:** Huh? _(He slings her arm over his shoulder and takes her to his room)_  
  
**Cut to:** Tom's room.  
_(He puts her on his bed and leaves to get coffee and some water for her.)_  
  
**Cut to:** the hallway. Elsie's standing outside.  
  
**Elsie:** Gee, Tom, couldn't you wait till next weekend to get her liquored up?  
  
**Tom:** Oh shut up, Elsie. She drank the wrong eggnog.  
  
**Elsie:** Bummer. And she seemed so smart…  
  
**Tom:** Oh yeah. Like you didn't do the same thing 3 Christmases ago. If I recall correctly, you're still paying mom back for your new rug.  
  
**Elsie:** Oh shut up.   
  
**Tom:** _(changing the subject)_ I'm going to go get some coffee and some water for her. Can you do me a favour and keep quiet to mom about this?  
  
**Elsie:** _(sympathetic smile)_ Sure. And Tom?  
  
**Tom:** Yeah?  
  
**Elsie:** Change your shoes.  
  
_(Tom chuckles as he walks to the kitchen)_  
  
**Cut to:** Tom's room. Daria stirs from her alcohol-induced nap.  
  
**Daria:** Oh my God. What just happened? _(looks around)_ What the hell? _(notices the taste in her mouth)_ Oh no. _(she runs over to the phone and calls Jane)_  
  
**Jane:** Hello?  
  
**Daria:** Jane. I screwed up.  
  
**Jane:** Uh, what?  
  
**Daria:** I drank the wrong eggnog! I got...  
  
**Jane:** Trashed off your face?  
  
**Daria:** _(sighing)_ Something like that.   
  
**Jane:** How do you feel?  
  
**Daria:** I've felt worse. I've felt better, but I've felt worse.  
  
**Jane:** Just drink some water and you'll be fine. Where are you?  
  
**Daria:** Tom's room.  
  
**Jane:** Ooh la la!   
  
**Daria:** Shut it, Lane. He's not here, so get your mind out of the gutter.  
  
**Jane:** Sorry. What are you going to do?  
  
**Daria:** I have no idea. _(hears Tom coming up the hall)_ Eep! Tom's coming, gotta go. Bye. _(she hangs up the phone)_  
  
**Tom:** Daria? Are you awake?  
  
**Daria:** Ungh. What happened?  
  
**Tom:** You went overboard with the wrong eggnog.  
  
**Daria:** That's what I thought. I'm sorry, Tom.  
  
**Tom:** Don't worry about it.   
  
**Daria:** Don't worry about it?! I must've made a complete idiot of myself!  
  
**Tom:** Actually, there was no one in the room at the time, so you're okay.  
  
**Daria:** Thank God.  
  
**Tom:** Anyway, here's some water and some coffee. You'll feel better after drinking these.   
  
**Daria:** _(sipping the water)_ I think I'd better go.   
  
**Tom:** Can I give you a ride?  
  
**Daria:** No, I think I'll be okay. It's not too cold out…I can walk.  
  
**Tom:** Are you sure?  
  
**Daria:** Yeah, thanks.   
  
**Tom:** Uh. Okay. _(pecks her on the cheek, then takes her hand)_ Come on, I'll take you downstairs.  
  
**Cut to:** the front hallway.  
**Daria:**_(putting on her coat)_I'll call you when I get…whoa. _(she sways a bit)_  
  
**Tom:** _(catching her)_ Are you _sure_ you're okay?  
  
**Daria:** _(sick of it)_ I'm fine. Bye.  
_(She leaves)_  
  
**Cut to:** EXT the Sloane's house. She's starting to make her way out of Crewe Neck.  
BGM: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"-Less Than Jake  
  
**Daria:** Must. Get. To. Jane's. Yes…Jane's…  
  
**Montage:**  
_(**Cut to:** Daria stumbling up the street.  
**Cut to:** Tom standing in his room, obviously worried  
**Cut to:** Daria still weaving on the sidewalk  
**Cut to:** Tom getting into his car  
**Cut to:** Daria sitting down on the curb  
**Cut to:** Tom driving up the road  
**Cut to:** Daria getting sick again  
**Cut to:** Tom driving up to Daria  
**Cut to:** Daria looking up)_  
**End Montage**  
  
**Tom:**_(concerned)_ Daria?  
**Daria:**_(stubborn)_Go away.  
  
**Tom:** Daria, I'm not leaving you here.  
  
**Daria:** I'm going to Jane's.  
  
**Tom:** How are you getting there?  
  
**Daria:** Walking.  
**Tom:** Not while I'm here. Please get in the car, Daria.  
  
**Daria:** No.   
**Tom:**_(sitting down next to her)_ Well, I'm not leaving until you get in the car. I'll drive you wherever you want to go, but I'm not going to let you wobble across town.   
  
**Daria:** _(leaning against him)_ I…_(she promptly falls asleep again)_  
  
**Tom:** That works.   
_(He picks her up and puts her in the back seat)_  
  
**Cut to:** The backseat of Tom's Jag, outside the Lane's.   
  
**Tom:** _(whispering)_ Daria. Wake up, Daria.  
**Daria:** Ungh.  
  
**Tom:** A-wakey-wakey, Daria.   
  
**Daria:** Whuh?  
  
**Tom:** Wake up.  
  
**Daria:** Ugh, I'm up. _(looks around)_ How the hell did I get in your car?  
  
**Tom:** You passed out again while we were talking on the curb.  
  
**Daria:** Ah. Did I wake up again before now?  
  
**Tom:** Nope.  
  
**Daria:** And…nothing uh…happened?  
  
**Tom:** What?  
  
**Daria:** We didn't do anything?  
  
**Tom:** Excuse me?  
  
**Daria:** We didn't, I mean, you and I…uh…  
  
**Tom:** No, of course not. I drove you to Jane's like you asked.  
  
**Daria:** But…why didn't you?  
  
**Tom:** Because um…iloveyou…  
  
**Daria:** _(blushing like crazy)_ Oh.  
  
**Tom:** Come on, let's get you inside.   
  
**Cut to:** INT Lane living room. Tom, Daria, Jane, Trent, and Jesse are sitting watching "Nightmare Before Christmas." Daria's asleep on Tom's shoulder.  
  
**Tom:** Thanks for inviting me in to watch this with you; it's one of my favourites.   
  
**Jane:** Hey, no problem. Thank _you_ for driving Daria over here.   
  
**Tom:** I couldn't let her stumble here.   
  
**Jane:** No, and if you had, I'd have killed you.  
  
**Tom:** Yeah, I know.  
  
_(The movie ends)_  
  
**Trent:** Hey Janey, what else we got?  
  
**Jesse:** I have "Last Action Hero"  
  
All: _except Jesse)_ NO!!  
  
**Jane:** Well, we've got "The Princess Bride"  
  
**Tom:** Throw it in, I love that movie.  
  
**Trent:** "My name is Inigo Montoya…"  
  
**Jesse:** Dude, no it's not.   
  
_(All except Jesse groan. Daria opens one eye and smiles)_  


  
  


### A note of thanks…   
This one goes out to Erin Mills, Brian Menczynski, and especially to Chad Page, without whom I woulnd't have figured out how to end this bloodydamn thing. And an extra special thanks to Orca, who helped me fix the code. Happy Holidays, everyone! –J;LL


End file.
